Rootbeer Halloween Party
by Ivory Tower
Summary: The Hogwart's faculty get drunk off of spiked rootbeer and terrorize everyone, including each other! Read and review!!!


"Rootbeer Halloween Party"  
  
By: Ivory Tower  
  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all Harry Potter characters.  
  
There was a rootbeer Halloween party in the staff room! Everyone from Sirius Black to Buckbeak was in attendance, but no students were allowed. There were many streamers and balloons and Flitwick was really having a hayday with the confettii. Severus Snape had dressed up like Alice Cooper: leather pants, top hat, the whole bit. He looked just like him. Yay. It was uncanny. It was amazing. It was unworthy of being punctuated with exclamation points.  
  
Professor Lupin loved rootbeer, and he was dressed up in snazzy dark blue robes and a dog collar; the kind with black leather and spikes. There was definitely a recurrant theme of black leather amongst some of the male staff members. I like carrot cake. Did I mention that Flitwick had dressed as a ninja midget from Hell? He did, isn't that warped? Hey, lighten up, it's Halloween.  
  
So everybody sat at the table in the staffroom, even Buckbeak, with their frosted mugs of rootbeer and/or rootbeer floats. The rootbeer was just delightful! As were the vanilla ice cream, club crackers, skittles, cans of sharp cheddar spray cheese, and the sight of Severus Snape in those tight, black leather pants and kick ass black leather motorcycle boots.  
  
Sirius Black wore a rather sexy-looking toga for he had come as Baccus, god of wine and debauchery. Then someone, somehow got the idea to spike the rootbeer ( I wonder who it was?). Professor Sprout had dressed up like Magenta from The Rocky Horror Picture Show and suggested a game or a round of scary stories. Dumbledore proposed that a capital idea and soon the room was flickering with candlelight. He tossed aside his Chewbacca mask for the time being so everyone could hear him better.  
  
The sequins on McGonagall's cat mask sparkled brilliantly as did the chains on Severus Snape's motorcycle jacket. Subconciously, Snape had wanted to portray the S and M type for the party. Yes, this authoress likes her men in bondage. Now Snape really looked like Alice Cooper with the shadows working their magic on his face, thus hiding it in utter darkness where it belonged-just kidding! Another punch bowl of rootbeer was conjured into existence, with an added ingredient, of course *wink. wink*.  
  
"Hot dog," roared Hagrid, three mugs later. It was awfully potent rootbeer: a combo of Everclear and 100 proof vodka.  
  
The sight of Sirius Black doing the pelvic thrust made Professor Trelawney's heart flutter. She was so glad she'd worn her glittery fairy princess dress and matching tiara. The same outfit she'd worn to her job interview with Headmaster Dumbledore all those years ago. Lupin followed Professor Sinistra into the castle corridor and waited outside the ladies loo for her. When she re-emerged, adjusting her black thigh-high stockings and short, hooded red robes Lupin jumped in front of her and leaned seductively against the wall. "Hey Red Riding Hood, want to get eaten by the big bad wolf?"  
  
Meanwhile the other drunken staff members were stumbling about, ready to go trick or treating. Ginny Weasley, on a dare, was slowly sneaking down into the kitchen for a plate of browines. She kept on hearing slurred, jumbled voices echoing around. 'It's only your imagination. Just hurry and get the brownies.'  
  
"Workin' at the carwash-yeah sing it! Workin' at the carwash!" The Carwash song didn't really help much. Somewhere nearby Filch had stumbled upon an organ and sat down to recapture his youth of Concert Hall playing. At that exact same moment Ginny turned a corner and was confronted by a very scary man in black leather and a cool top hat. The intro to "Phantom of the Opera" began to play as Ginny locked eyes with the scary man. Ginny screamed and threw her miniature Mars Bar at him.  
  
"How dare you throw chocolate at me, Miss Weasley! For that I shall force you to eat cornbread muffins," snarled Snape. Ginny screamed again and fled down the hall with Snape chasing her as best an inebriated Potions Master in tight leather pants can. "Cornbread muffins for you, missy!" Snape taunted, the chains on his leather jacket jingling eerily along with the organ music. "Cornbread and LIMA BEANS!"  
  
Poor Ginny Weasley positively shrieked at this; whereupon she collided headfirst into a white sheet. No wait-it was a tall, thin, devilishly handsome man with long black hair wearing a toga and...a tiara? Professor Trelawney floated into view her wand decked out in pastel ribbons, a surrealistic nightmare come true. "Give me back my tiara, Sirius Black!"  
  
Remus Lupin rollerbladed past them laughing maniacally. He rollerbladed upstairs, then downstairs, even past Filch playing his magnificant concerto. "I've gotta be freeeee! I've gotta be meeeeeeeee!" Lupin sang in baritone and promptly collided into McGonagall. "Ooof!"  
  
"Remus! Why do you have red satin panties on your head?"  
  
"Ooops. They're Dumbledore's and I'm taking them down to the laundry, I am! Good day." Off Lupin rollerbladed.  
  
Meanwhile, Professor Sprout set up a snow cone stand just outside the Transfiguration classroom. Hagrid was quickly getting addicted to grape- flavored snow cones while trying to dance to the organ music. Professor Sinistra walked up and asked for a cherry cream snow cone. "Someone stole my red panties again!" She announced for all to hear. "I'll bet Dumbledore did it. Oh, Lupin's rather kinky for such a soft-spoken fellow, don't you know?"  
  
Eventually the party died down and everyone went to bed. The following morning it was impossible to say who was more confused: Lupin, waking with red satin panties on his head and rolleblades on his feet, or Snape, waking up holding fistfulls of cornbread and lima beans. Yes, all in all, the party had been quite a success.  
  
~FIN~  
  
A/N: Yes, it this was intentionally written to be silly. I do not expect to win any kind of award for best fanfic of the year. I do not own "Phantom of the Opera" or Mars Bars or the "I've gotta be free" song or the "Carwash" song, so there. Read my latest work: "Parody Paradise" if you're in the mood for some plot bashing and humorous witticisms. 


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